


It Starts Here

by Variative



Category: Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: Emotionally Inarticulate Young Men, First Time, Fluff and Mush, M/M, and sometimes both at the same time, but also physical aggression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 19:55:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14504349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Variative/pseuds/Variative
Summary: Fi is lonely, Sev is angry, and things get a little worse before they get better.





	It Starts Here

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this fits in the timeline and if it doesn't I don't want to hear about it

“Hey.” Fi leaned against the doorjam. “How's the shoulder?”

Sev's head came up and he gripped his datapad like a shield in front of his chest. His jaw worked for a moment before he snapped, “Keep your mouth shut, would you?"

"I don't see Vau around. Do you?" Fi stuck his hands in the pockets of his fatigues and wandered nonchalantly into Delta's quarters. It was the same as Omega’s, basically, just messier. Sev was sitting on one of the lower bunks, glowering at Fi sullenly; his arm did look like it was held a bit gingerly. Fi perched at the foot of the bunk, just out of reach of Sev's feet, and reclined on his elbows as if he couldn't see Sev less than a meter away trying to light Fi on fire by the force of his glare alone.

“What do you want," Sev muttered. He twitched his feet away from Fi, as if he were unwilling to draw them up but didn't want any part of his body to be so close.

“Oh," Fi said. “Not much. Just checking in, I suppose."

“Clearly I'm not dead," Sev snapped. “Go away."

“I don't want to," Fi said. “You'll like this, it involves me being pathetic and lonely."

Sev drew his lips back from his teeth. “I already knew about that," he said. “And I don't want it on my bunk, these sheets are fresh."

Fi smiled at him. “You're so angry," he said. “Ever thought about taking up meditation?"

Sev kicked him in the ribs, but he wasn't close enough to get a solid hit, so Fi ignored it and propped himself on his side as if Sev had invited him to get comfortable.

“Do you have a girlfriend?" Fi asked. “I really want a girlfriend."

Sev rolled his eyes and did draw his knees up then. “You're right, this is pathetic."

“Lover? Life partner?" Fi bit his lip and watched Sev. He wasn't as expressive as Scorch, but it was still fun to watch the conflicting emotions compete on his face.

Sullen anger won out. “What's it to you?"

“I'm trying to establish rapport," Fi said. “Do you think we would feel normal if we got girlfriends? I feel like that would make our lives less empty."

“Speak for yourself," Sev muttered.

Fi rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. I want a girlfriend because I think it'll fill up this horrible loneliness that I've got. I just feel so unfulfilled, you know?"

“Gods," Sev said, disgusted, “Get off my bunk."

Fi laughed at him. “So do you have a girlfriend?"

“Karking no, I haven't got a girlfriend," Sev snapped. “Why is everyone so obsessed with women?"

“A boyfriend," Fi said.

“Would you shut it?"

Fi sprawled onto his back. “What do you think it's like? Atin seems happy. Dar seems happy. But what is it about it, you know? Maybe it's having something outside the normal grind. Something to look forward to."

“I look forward to kicking you in the teeth," Sev muttered.

“Do it," Fi said.

There was a long moment of silence, conspicuously unpunctuated by any collisions of boot and teeth. At last Sev sighed and snapped, “What the _shab_ do you want, chakaar?"

“I thought I just told you," Fi said, and Sev did swing forward and kick Fi hard, right in the ribs again. Fi rolled away from Sev and gasped for wind, took a few deep breaths and coughed and sat up, rubbing his smarting ribs.

Sev had retreated back up the bunk and was glaring again. “Next time I really will kick you in the teeth."

“Next time try using your words," Fi said, exaggeratedly patronizing, with an upwards lilt like the small army of nursemaid droids that had taught them how to socialize like functional sentients.

Sev crossed his arms. “Karking thanks, but I'm not actually a psychopath, shabuir," he muttered. “I already used my words, and you didn't very well listen, did you?"

“What?" Fi blinked.

“Leave me alone, for the last time," Sev growled, tucking his chin down against his chest without looking away from Fi.

“Okay, okay, but I think if you don't want people to think you're unhinged, painting blood on your armor isn't the best way to go," Fi pointed out.

“I don't want to talk to you," Sev said flatly, something in his face shutting down. He was looking at Fi but barely seeing him, it seemed like. He'd checked out of the conversation. “Go away."

“Why?” Fi complained, reaching out and knocking his fist against Sev's leg. “I’m trying to be nice.” 

Something flared in Sev's eyes and he surged forward and shoved Fi. He tumbled off the bunk and rolled to his feet and lunged back up, colliding bodily with Sev diving down after him. They grappled for a moment, each trying to push the other back, something vital surging in Fi's throat. He checked it behind the grinning barrier of his teeth as Sev tried to jab his right fist into Fi's gut—Fi blocked, twisted that hand away, one knee up on the bunk and one planted on the floor, Sev in a half-crouch on the bunk, Sev's teeth bared in a wild snarl, a burst of pain and a flood of copper in Fi's mouth as Sev's left elbow came up and caught Fi in the mouth almost by accident, and he caught that wrist too and twisted it away and their bodies collided and they were still.

Fi's split lip was trailing blood on Sev's cheek, his mouth open and panting against Sev's skin. Sev was utterly still but for the rapid rise and fall of his chest. Fi could feel Sev's pulse hammering in his wrists. That feeling, that glorious living joy that Fi had felt, pressed against the inside of his chest.

“Sev," Fi whispered, hoarse. He licked blood from his lips and the tip of his tongue barely flicked over Sev's cheek, and Sev jerked and shuddered silently.

Fi carefully turned his head and pressed his mouth to Sev's cheekbone. Sev's eyelids fluttered reflexively. He was staring blankly over Fi's shoulder. Fi let go of Sev's wrists and slowly moved his hands to Sev's waist, slid his palms up over the planes of Sev's back and down again, touching because he was afraid that at any moment Sev would shake off his surprise and then Fi would _really_ get it, and he wanted to convince Sev that it was okay to let this whatever-it-was happen, that Fi wanted it and it was alright if Sev wanted it too. Fi bent his head a little and kissed Sev's jaw and Sev's breath hitched and he brought his hands to Fi's shoulders and fisted them in his shirt. 

“I don't need you to be nice to me," Sev said, still thinking about that, which was a bit of a shame. He was still breathing hard, and Fi put his hand in the center of Sev's chest and pushed him down onto his back and knelt between his legs. Sev's cheeks were flushed, but he looked at Fi with the severe expression that he seemed to default to. 

_Focus,_ Fi thought. _Pay attention to me touching you._

“It's so much better, though," he said, and grinned even though his lip smarted, and bent down and kissed Sev on the mouth. Sev didn't really move, although his fists tightened in Fi's shirt. He didn't seem to know what to do with any of it. 

Fi drew back and braced himself up over Sev. “You ever done this before?"

Sev's eyes finally flicked to Fi’s, and a mocking smirk curled at his mouth. He raised his hand and waggled it back and forth illustratively.

“Well, yeah,” Fi said. “Me too. But I asked Mereel about, um,  _things_ , earlier, and it was—um. Very informative. Can I—?”

Sev stared at him for long enough that Fi started to get worried, but then Sev took a fast breath, sharply in and out, and nodded.

Fi was sure that he wasn't much good at it, but he _liked_ it, the taste and weight and heat of Sev in his mouth and hand, and when he glanced up he saw Sev with his head flung back and his hand pressed over his mouth, shaking silently, and that was maybe the best thing that has ever happened to Fi in his _life_. Hi slid his tongue over the head of Sev's cock a little smugly and focused hard on giving more and better, more speed and suction and everything that made Sev’s thighs tremble on either side of Fi's head, and Sev let out a choked gasp and came without any other warning.

It hit the back of Fi's mouth and he gagged and spat into the sheets, but still managed to reach up and stroke Sev a couple more times before he was done. The taste of _that_ , Fi didn't like so much. He wiped his mouth on his hand and wiped his hand in the sheets. 

But Sev was still shivering with aftershocks a little, and the graceless sprawl of his limbs was so easy and unguarded that he seemed almost like an entirely different person altogether. Fi was pretty persistently hard, which he hadn't expected, and he felt helplessly affectionate, which he _definitely_ hadn't expected, and it all made him want to curl up against Sev and make out, or maybe blow him again, and Fi had to sit back and just breathe for a minute, wondering where the hell that had come from.

Sev sat up as well, after a moment. He'd done up his fatigues again, and if Fi hadn't been pretty heavily involved in the whole incident he would hardly have known what had happened at all, despite the pink in Sev’s cheeks and the tops of his ears. That easiness was gone.

“You—" Fi started, but then his voice dried up when Sev looked at him. “You have blood on your lip."

Sev licked his thumb and rubbed it over his lip, missing the faint smear of blood just below the swell of his lower lip. Fi reached out and rubbed it away. Sev held very still and kept his eyes fixed on the floor.

“I shouldn't have done that," Sev said tonelessly. He turned away and wrapped his arms around himself.

“Really?" Fi asked. A hollow, sick anger started to roil in his gut. “I know I shouldn't have expected manners from you of all people, but come _on_ , Sev."

“Shut up," Sev said. His voice was brittle and utterly devoid of anger. That more than anything gave Fi pause. “You don't understand."

“Explain it to me," Fi said tightly. “Use small words, Sev, or you might hurt my feelings when I don't understand why you're acting like such a—” Fi made himself stop, and he folded his arms over his chest and looked away.

Sev sniffed. “You're alright, you know that? You didn't tell anyone but Ordo, and I—I know Ordo won’t…" He stopped talking, and Fi looked over and saw him sitting there, tense all through his body and his mouth pressed into a hard line. He breathed out and then went on steadily, “Ordo won't say anything. You're alright. But you don't understand."

“I _want_ to," Fi said, a little more smartly than he'd intended. “So why don't you try me, huh?"

Sev glared at him and stubbornly said nothing. 

“What's the worst that could happen?" Fi snapped in frustration, throwing up his hands. “You liked that, right? I know I did, and _I_ didn’t come. So it could be a regular thing, what's the problem?"

Sev sighed sharply through his nose and looked up at the ceiling, folding his arms over his chest. “You seriously asked Mereel for _advice_?"

“…Yeah,” Fi said, cautious. 

“You were planning this," Sev said. “With me."

_Don't flatter yourself_. Fi bit down on the ugly thought. Embarrassment was raising heat across his cheekbones and he fought not to give in to the urge to react defensively. 

“Does it matter?" he asked instead, meaner than he'd wanted. The truth was that he'd asked Mereel about _things_ people could do together out of sheer curiosity, prurience. The Kaminiise hadn’t explained the recreational side of sex to them. When Fi had found the door to Delta's rooms standing open, he hadn't gone inside with the intent to seduce Sev.

“It matters," Sev said grimly.

“I wasn’t planning this," Fi said quietly. 

Sev shut his eyes in an expression that was half relief and half resignation. “That's better," he said. “For both of us."

“Sev," Fi said, his voice coming out soft and more wounded than he would have liked. Sev shook his head jerkily. 

“You'd better go," Sev told Fi, not looking at him still.

“I guess I had," Fi said, hurt filling his chest. “ _Shabiir chakaar_ ," he hissed, and got up and got away. 

Sev took the insult silently, but as Fi reached the door, he said in a low, bitter tone, “I'm sorry, okay?”

Fi spun around and glared. “Don't be," he said. “That's _osik_."

“Do you know,” Sev said, as soft as Fi had ever heard from him, “What Vau would do to—to either one of us?”

“I don’t,” Fi said, coming closer despite himself. "I don't understand, Sev."

“You’re a distraction, for one,” Sev said. His hands were folded tightly together in his lap. “And he doesn’t like it when we fuck around with our vode. Especially when we act like it’s some kind of romance.”

“He can’t do anything to you,” Fi said. “Boss wouldn’t let that happen.”

“You still don’t understand,” Sev said flatly. “I knew you wouldn’t.”

“Just tell me what you want from me here,” Fi said, trying very, very hard to be patient. “Okay? Just—”

“I want you to be safe.” Sev didn’t look up. He stood with his head ducked and stripped the sheets off his bunk, balling them up and throwing them into the corner. Then he lay down on the bare mattress and balled himself up on his side, facing away from Fi.

“Okay, hold on,” Fi protested. “I can look after myself, Sev, and there are about a million people here who outrank Vau who are on your side before his.”

Sev didn’t say anything, but his silence felt deeply unconvinced.

“Just tell me what you want,” Fi said. “Just what you want.” _Not what you’re afraid of._

“You first,” Sev sneered, without looking over.

“Fine,” Fi said tartly. “I want to do it again, Sev. Fuck what Vau thinks. Nobody will let him do anything to you. _I_ won’t. I’ll put myself between him and you if it comes to that.”

Sev sighed and rolled over and looked at Fi and said in that low rough voice of his, “I want you to be safe, _di’kut_.” He closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face and said, quietly, “I want you to do it again.”

Fi bit his lip to stop himself from grinning too broadly, and took a step towards Sev. “Did it feel good?” he asked, low.

“Of course it did,” Sev snapped, glaring at Fi from under his fingers. He was a little pink around the ears.

Fi moved a little closer. “No one’s ever touched you like that, have they?”

“Have _you_ ever touched anyone like that?” Sev grumbled. “Oh, right, you haven’t. Could have guessed even if you hadn’t already said.”

Fi ignored that. “Did you even know that anyone could make you feel so good just by touching you?”

“I really do want to kick you in the teeth,” Sev said conversationally. He was definitely flushed. They were much closer, almost within reaching distance, and Sev was still turned toward Fi, even if he was glaring.

“What else do you want to do to me,” Fi murmured, grinning, and knelt next to the bunk and leaned in to Sev, and Sev wrapped an arm around Fi’s shoulders and kissed him.

It was a little messy and awkward at first, and Sev was blushing furiously the whole time, his cheek hot against Fi’s fingers. They moved slowly together, though, and it got smoother as they went, and Fi never broke away for more than a split second to breathe because he really hated to stop kissing Sev. He moved with a fierce, hungry intensity now that he was letting himself move and reciprocate, and it was an addictive rush to be on the recieving end of it. Sev pulled at Fi, dragged him up on top of him and settled Fi against his body with an air of satisfaction, like Fi was arranged just to Sev’s liking. The kisses slowed—they were both out of breath and flushed, and Fi was too busy grinning to be any good at kissing Sev.

“Smug _shabuir_ ,” Sev muttered, dropping his head back. Fi ran his fingers through Sev’s hair, that regulation crew cut grown a little long, just enough to curl. It was soft and thick and Sev shivered and bit his lip, so Fi did it again.

“You’re so soft,” Fi murmured, mostly to himself. He was looking at Sev’s kiss-swolen lips parting when Fi tugged at a lock of hair, looking at the dark sweep of his lashes against his cheek, the papery-thin skin under his eyes, the corner of his mouth that kept tugging upwards.

“What did you just say to me,” Sev said, incredulous.

“Your hair,” Fi told him, pressing his nose into the fine, humid skin under Sev’s jaw. “It’s very soft.”

“Well, it’s unique,” Sev mumbled distractedly. Fi had moved on to nipping at him there, pressing little kisses to the pulse-point.

“One of a kind,” Fi agreed. He shifted back up and kissed Sev again and more confidently now, sliding his tongue past Sev’s lips and swallowing his groan.

“Oh,” was all that came out of Sev’s mouth when Fi drew back again, “oh, Fi,” softly. Neither of them said a thing about how Sev’s fingers, curled at the small of Fi’s back and in the fine hair at the nape of his neck, were trembling.

“You still want to kick me?”

Sev reached up and pulled Fi’s arm around so he could pillow his head on Fi’s bicep. Fi curled around him agreeably, gathering Sev close with his other arm around his waist. Sev raised an eyebrow at Fi and asked, “You still want a girlfriend?”

“I suppose not,” Fi said. He could feel himself blushing. There too much of that going on for his taste. He liked it better when it was happening to Sev.

Sev rolled his eyes. “Well, I guess I don’t want to kick you anymore either. Does that make you happy?”

“Yeah,” Fi said. He kissed Sev’s temple. Sev rolled his eyes again. 

“Yeah, I knew it would. You got so sad when I tried to reject you.”

“That was a dick move,” Fi protested.

“Maybe,” Sev mumbled, closing his eyes. “Get used to it.”

“What, dick moves? I hope so.”

Sev groaned in horror. “This is why you never kriffing picked up any girls.”

Fi bit his lip and then said, serious and quiet, “It was a cowardly move,” watching Sev.

He glared furiously and elbowed Fi. “Shut the fuck up.”

“It’s how I knew it couldn’t really be what you wanted,” Fi said, strained. He sucked in a pained breath and removed his arm from around Sev’s waist to cup his hand protectively over his solar plexus. “You’re no coward.”

Sev gave him a hard, unamused look. “You’re walking a dangerous line. I hope you know that.”

Fi tugged lightly on a lock of Sev’s hair. “I’m in bed with a dangerous man,” he murmured.

Sev sighed and said, “Kiss me again, di’kut. I don’t like you nearly as much when you’re talking.”

“I feel the same for you,” Fi said, smirking, and obliged.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on [tumblr](http://www.variative.tumblr.com)


End file.
